The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
