I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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