When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
