I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
