I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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