Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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