There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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