i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
