I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
