I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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