The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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