There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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