She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
