was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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