I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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