gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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