Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dignity is for republicans.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
