Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
