I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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