thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
