i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
