Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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