cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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