Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
