I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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