morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's never too late to be topless.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
