a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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