Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
