so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ugly people sure do ruin things
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
