someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
