Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
