If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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