girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bring me that man meat
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
