I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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