I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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