also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just invented taco cereal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
