I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
