What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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