We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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