I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
