please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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