Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
