They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
