Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
