i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
