A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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