Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
