I should be sponsored by Trojan
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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