Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
