But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
