Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
