he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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