Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
