I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
