grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
