apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
