i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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