I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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