Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just took my morning after pill in the library
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
