OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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