i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
