Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
