She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
