It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
