I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
