I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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