I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's get the cat blown out
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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