I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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