Screwed.edu
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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