how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
