i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
