WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
