Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
