watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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