I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
