Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are we in a gay sports bar?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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